Life sucks when it gets super busy. Husband is back to work after foot surgery, but can’t stay the full shift because pain. Yeah, being on your feet for six hours straight? Not so good. So he’s looking for a different job. Meanwhile, I’ve been the one working. So I don’t turn down extra shifts.
With the surgery thing, hubby was off his feet completely for three weeks. Which meant that when I wasn’t at work, I was taking care of him. Then he was able to start walking again. He was supposed to go back to work, then one of the surgery sites got infected, so back to bed with him. Could still get around, thankfully, but couldn’t get back to work for another few weeks. Finally, we got the okay from the doctor. But he could only be on his feet for fifteen minutes every hour. Not happening when your job is to load boxes into trailers. So another two weeks. It’s now been two months that I’ve been the only income, and it’s a miracle we’ve been able to pay any bills, because I make half of what he does. (I like my part-time job, though. Awesome hours, awesome place, awesome people. Hubby makes more because his job sucks, and they’re desperate for people.)
The last two months, I’ve felt like I’ve had zero free time. For over a month, we had to camp out on an air mattress because the beds are all too tall for someone who can’t put any weight on their feet. It was murder on my back and neck. We didn’t go anywhere unless we had to, because it took way too long to get the wheelchair he was prescribed. For two months, I worked and did chores, and almost nothing else. And now that things are getting back to normal, I don’t want to do anything. I feel tired almost all the time. When I don’t feel tired, I have too much energy but can’t figure out what to do with it.
Been working on editing Just Your Average Fairytale the last few days. But final edits are mostly reading, so not using a lot of energy. My computer randomly started freezing whenever I try to load WoW, so I got back onto Mabinogi. Holy crap, that game is amazing. I can spend the whole day on it and not get bored! But then I go to bed and can’t fall asleep. Like now. I got four chapters done, played several hours of Mabi, and our voter ballots came in the mail. (Way easier to vote by mail when husband works the night shift and I don’t know where anything is in this town.)
So I’ve been looking up the platforms for all of the non-Presidential candidates. You know, all those judges and state-level positions that you never hear about. So, I start by typing in the names of the three people running for the House of Representatives, because I haven’t heard of any of them. First guy? I think he’s already held the position for a while, because I searched his dang website and couldn’t find his platform. Just a bunch of crap about how Obama’s screwed up the country. Except that I know how the Executive branch of the government works. And half of what this guy blames on Obama is stuff that the whole rest of Congress was responsible for. Obama just suggested it. (Doesn’t make the ideas good, just means that Pres shouldn’t get all the blame.) The other male candidate doesn’t even have a website. Just a facebook page, which is mostly about how to support the party he represents, nothing about what they stand for. The one lady running is, of course, a democrat, so I don’t agree with all of her views. (I have a few very republican views, but I tend to lean towards the middle on most things.) But she is the ONLY person running for the House who tells the public what her goals are if she gets elected to the position! Seriously, I’m tempted to vote for her just because she knows how to be organized. >…>
ANYWAY! Besides the usual pre-NaNo excitement, I’m badgering my husband into doing it with me this year. :) He’s been running an Anima campaign for our old gaming group, and he’s written this INCREDIBLE samurai story for us to play through! I tell him I’m mad at him about it every time we play, but that’s just because my character has to deal with a lot of crap. Traditional samurai stories are not happy, and that’s what he’s telling. But with a creepy nightmare twist, because my husband has been into horror for probably his whole life.
The story is so well-thought-out and well-told that it hits my feels hard enough that I can’t spit out a ready-made response from my character. I thought I had her all figured out, and then he throws me a curveball, and everyone is like “are we gonna kill these concubines that are throwing magic at us?” and my character is like “… but that one raised me…and that other is being mind-controlled…” A couple members of my group actually got mad at me for a couple of things that my character did. (Well, one thing she did, and one thing that she didn’t.)
The didn’t? She didn’t try to save the enemy that was always a jerk to her growing up. I joked about letting her die, because she was the only one actively trying to kill the party. My character was busy trying to save the woman she loved like a mother. The healer was trying to save the girl that was mind-controlled. The jerk-lady was just sort of bleeding out. And these two guys get mad at me about it. Not that I made the joke, but that my character didn’t try to save the jerk-lady. Husband pointed out that my character was too busy trying to save someone else, and we both reminded them that my character never actually said anything about letting anyone die. (She actually asked the party not to kill anyone, because they were part of her family.) Then, there’s the ‘did’…
My character insisted on saving some enemies, then went to kill another one the moment she saw her. Backstory worked out with husband means that this makes perfect sense. This enemy was disliked from the beginning of the story. Her presence here, guarding the doors to the boss-fight and grinning like it’s Christmas, means that she is involved in all this crap. Party-members rag on me about how mean and morally wrong it was to attack, and their characters don’t like her flipping on someone like that “because you don’t like her.”
… Honestly? I cried. I actually cried. I get so wrapped up in this story, and I struggle so hard trying to make decisions that fit my character. I spent at least half an hour explaining to these two guys why my character made that one choice that they thought was immoral. (It may have been a lot longer, but I’ve gotten really bad at reading the passage of time accurately.) My husband, who’s running the campaign, tried to help. He basically told one of them that his character was doing something far worse than letting emotions get in the way. (We have all sorts of shady stuff going on in our side stories. Working for trickster gods, acquiring and selling black market goods, being Japanese mafia, being related to a crazy necromancer, working for the government…) On the way home from that session, my depression has already kicked in and I’m wondering if I really am just a screw-up, because this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. Maybe I got too comfortable goofing off? Maybe I’m getting too confident? My husband, who always tells me when I’m being a pain, tells me that I didn’t do anything wrong. That they were being jerks, and that I don’t have to apologize, because I didn’t screw anything up. He then tells me that they’ve done this to me before, and I hadn’t even brought up that last game before my mission. (Which is the last game where these two got after me about my character’s decisions. They told me that my character was a bully, because she made fun of another character all the time. Said character was a pervert, and was based on a joke. The player of said character thought that the whole situation was hilarious. It livened up an otherwise dreadfully boring slog through the woods. (Which was that ENTIRE game, by the way.) The incident that caused the accusations of being a bully? The elf that got picked on was drunk, and making a scene of being a pervert. Not wanting to deal with him, my dwarf dragged him outside and tied him to a tree so that he couldn’t bother anyone. He got louder. I didn’t know what to do, because I wasn’t comfortable role-playing yet. So she untied him, and covered his mouth instead. My friends chewed me out about my character being a bully. And continued to bring it up in-game at every opportunity, even after my character had made amends with the character she was supposedly bullying.)
Husband reminded me that these individuals had been jerks to me about my character’s choices in two different games now, even if their characters were worse. That they probably didn’t even realize that they were being jerks by complaining about and attacking my character the way they were, but that it didn’t make it okay. After we got home, I thought that I should probably not play any more games with these people. The rest of the group is no problem, just these two, and only when we play a game that gets anywhere near the end. (Which has been exactly twice, so far.) But one of these two would always be included with some of the other players. And we were talking about doing Shadowrun after the Anima campaign is over… Which made me really sad when I remembered that, because I’ve been wanting to try Shadowrun for YEARS, but no one will ever play it with me… The one time I tried to join a group, they said that it was super mature, so I didn’t join. I asked my friend why she was playing if it was super mature, since she held the same values as I did, and she said that the game wasn’t mature, the GM just didn’t want more players than were already there. (I felt pretty low that day. Not because I was excluded, but because of how I was excluded.) The next time anyone I knew ran Shadowrun, I was on my mission. So I couldn’t play then, either. I really want to try the system, because it sounds awesome, but is it worth risking the crap I may get if the other players don’t like a decision I make? Is it worth it to have people get mad at me, even if it’s a stupid thing to be mad about?